Mikey's Blog

I got some responses to the Next G competition:

Did you know competition in telecommunications has been linked to cancer?

[ ] No

[ ] Yes, and I heard buying T3 shares can prevent it!

[ ] No, please tell me more.

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

[ ] No, and stop calling me Shirly.

You are a large telecommunications wholesaler, a large telecommunications retailer of your own services, and have your origins in the regulatory authority designed to make sure you do the right thing. Most of your money comes from overcharging your customers for piddlingly small data comms services and denying wholesalers to the prices you charge your own retail outfit. The entire nation wants faster broadband access but you stand only to lose big gobs of money if you make it easier for people to move data around. What do you do?

[ ] Claim that installing faster broadband access would hurt shareholder value.

[ ] Pretend to be on the ball by talking about something completely different.

[ ] Try to sell the public another high-priced, low-bandwidth service.

[ ] All of the above.

[ ] Work with everyone else in the telecomms industry to give the public what they want, and stiff the Federal Government for the money.

N.B. Please only tick options with one letter.

How do you see life?

[ ] Like a movie.

[ ] Like a TV series.

[ ] Like a play.

[ ] Like a seance.

What is your ideal start to the day?

[ ] Finding out you've won a million dollars through your Next-G Mobile's new high-speed internet browsing capability.

[ ] Meeting your life partner through your Next-G Mobile's new high-speed internet browsing capability.

[ ] Making all your friends envious by showing them your Next-G Mobile, with it's new high-speed internet browsing capability.

[ ] Going for a forty-kilometer ride in driving rain and then eating a bowl of cold gruel.

What is your star sign?

[ ] The rutabaga.

[ ] The mump.

[ ] The hurdy-gurdy.

[ ] The quilt.

How many shares in Telstra do you already own?

[ ] 10,000 -> 39,999

[ ] 40,000 -> 87,624

[ ] 87,625 -> 274,999

[ ] Greater than 275,000

N.B. In order to proceed, you must own enough shares to qualify for this question.

Is the number of flavours to your liking?

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

[ ] I trust the computer implicitly.

Being the geek I am, I was interested in finding out what the hell this Next G stuff from Telstra was all about. So I search and find http://www.nextg.com.au.

Looks like a pretty simple page, with one obvious link to:

ENTER STANDARD NEXT G EXPERIENCE

Ok, sounds good hopefully there'll be something in there...

To find out how Next G will benefit you, just answer a few simple questions (between 1 and 5). Hit the 'NEXT' button to proceed.

Bad sign, but let's persist... It's only 5 questions after all.

Question 1.

What best describes your needs today?

[ ] Personal

[ ] Business

Not too bad and I guess this may be useful technical information. I click Personal.

Question 2.

How young are you?

[ ] 18-24

[ ] 25-29

[ ] 30-34

[ ] 35-39

[ ] 40-44

[ ] 45-49

[ ] 50-54

[ ] 55-59

[ ] 60+

Humm, kinda wierd but ok. I click 30-34.

Question 3.

Please insert your postcode [ ]

Arrh, definitely useful technical information so they can work out coverage. Maybe this isn't going to be too bad

Question 4.

Which best describes you?

[ ] My friends' opinions are important to me

[ ] My main aim in life is to be a good parent and provide for my family

[ ] Both

[ ] Neither

Err... what the fuck?!?! I just want wireless broadband! I close my eyes, think of home and click Neither.

Question 5.

What do you seek in life?

[ ] Comfort and prosperity

[ ] Happiness and inner peace

[ ] Both

[ ] Neither

Err, ok... How about.. I seek Wireless broadbad!!!! Sounds crazy, I know!

Question 6.

Are you?

[ ] Male

[ ] Female

Err ok.. so this is question 6 of 5.. interesting, very interesting.

So, Rusty suggested it's time to run the Telstra Next G Stupid Question competition. Email me your suggestions for the questions Telstra should have asked, and I'll post them online. eg:

You are standing in a watch tower and Dubbya enters your gun sight. Do you:

[ ] Take out the Leader Of The Free World

[ ] Buy T3 shares

[ ] Buy T3 shares

[ ] All of the above