Mikey's Blog

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Blue Penguins fans stunned as Schwenke announces retirement

CANBERRA: Swarms of reporters and netball fans descended on the Ainslie home of Martin Schwenke, where he held a press conference to announce his retirement from Wednesday night netball. Amongst his reasons for retiring, Schwenke cited an aging body, and an overall lack of ability to cope with booner opposition and poor umpiring. Specifically he commented on "aggressive wankers who seem to think they're playing football" and "umpires who don't seem to be able to recognise or control aggression until it hits them (or someone else) in the face". Schwenke said that he would play his last regular game for the Blue Penguins next week before taking a break for about a month, but would fill in as necessary for the rest of the season.

 

  An interesting game of Netball last night. Near the end of the second quarter, one of our players (Martin Pool) contacts one of the opposition in a typical unintentional play. The opposition player then deliberately pushes Martin. The umpire then gets upset with the opposition player and tells him to take it easy, to which he responds with "What did I do?". At this point, I look at him and say "For pushing him, Dick head!". This infuriates him, so he throws the ball at my head and starts coming for me. Jo then immediately and without hesitation, bolts from her position (and off side mind you) to stop this guy, along with the opposition goal attack. Jo screams in his face "Back off!". The opposition player is then sent off the court and out of the Netball centre by the umpire. While leaving, he hurls abuse at me, saying things like "I'm gonna get you!" and "I'm gonna be waiting for you outside the centre!" (which he didn't).... so yeah, kinda interesting game (which we lost)...
So, what did we learn? Well, if you want to get to me, you're going to have to go through my lovely wife and you can trust me, that's going to be hard. I may look and be a big woosy bag, but she'd much rather be dead than see any harm to me and she won't back down, ever! Love ya honey!